Sisterhood of The Traveling Bras (and their expectations)
What Should I Do If My Friends Wear Bras but I Don't (or Vice Versa)?
GIRL GUIDE
brabar
GIRL GUIDE
BRABAR
girl guide
Your friends might be wearing bras already, but that doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be.
By: Lucy DiChristina
Why does it feel like the moment you see a bra for the first time all of a sudden you become hyper aware of if your friends are wearing bras and you’re not or if you’re wearing bras and your friends are not. Suddenly, it feels like your body is changing and you have no control over the speed in which it develops. You may want to grow up faster, or you may want to slow everything down but either way you’re not in control, and that can be scary. But that is also how it is meant to be. The truth is bodies don’t all follow the same schedule and puberty isn’t consistent in timing for everyone. So with that, there is no normal time to be wearing a bra. Wearing a bra is part of development and whether you’re the first, the last or somewhere in the middle of development, your body is doing exactly what it’s meant to do at exactly its own pace.
Why Are My Friends And I Developing At Different Paces?
One of the guaranteed truths about growing up is that everybody is going to physically develop at very different times. Some girls may need a bra in elementary school and other girls may not need to start wearing a bra until several years later. Neither of these things is abnormal, in fact, developing on your own schedule is part of what makes us human. Your puberty timeline can be affected by many things that you personally did not cause and cannot control. This includes genetics, hormones, and natural body differences. If you cannot control these things, you should not feel embarrassed or ashamed about them. Whatever timeline your body is on is not a reflection of your maturity, how healthy you are or any indicator about how you are going to be in the future. If you feel like all of your friends are developing faster than you, you may feel left out even if no one is going out of their way to make you feel that way. You may feel like you’re the only one going through this experience and that everyone is growing up except for you. This is not the truth. Although it makes sense, why you were comparing yourself to others I promise it is not a productive task or helpful. Your friends do not define what is normal and what is abnormal, your body decides what it needs and you are supposed to respond to that. You also may feel like you’re the only person wearing a bra. You don’t owe anyone any explanation for your body or how you are developing. You are developing at your own pace and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you feel like you’d be more comfortable wearing a bra then maybe it is time to start thinking of one, if you would feel more comfortable without a bra then you should not feel forced or pressured into wearing one. Whatever you need for your body is the correct thing to do for you no matter what anyone else is doing.
Why Can't I Stop Comparing Myself To Others?
Being a girl today is hard. There are so many things that you might be feeling stressed about on a daily basis and one of those biggest things that plague girls of all ages is comparison. Comparison is the biggest thief of joy. Girls are taught to compare themselves to pretty much everyone they encounter whether it be in reality or on social media and compare almost every aspect of themselves like their height, bra size, clothing style, weight, and overall how they look compared to someone else. The problem with this, you’re comparing things that you have no control over and you don’t know what’s going on in that other person‘s head or body. Everyone reaches milestones at a completely different time and the thing is the time in which people reached these milestones actually don’t determine anything about your future. Societal pressures can make the smallest differences feel like your biggest insecurities. Wanting to fit in is a side effect of growing up, but fitting in isn’t based on your looks or your bra size or your speed of development. Oh, and a little secret at the end of the day fitting in really means nothing when you find your group of people. Consider this, would you still feel insecure about certain things if you didn’t think that other people would have an opinion?
How Can I Be As Confident In My Body As Possible?
I'll be the first to say that staying confident is not the easiest thing to do, sometimes it takes an active effort to build yourself up instead of tear yourself down. But that is an effort well worth making. Your confidence shouldn’t come from how fast you are developing, but instead it really comes from how comfortable you are feeling in your own skin. Instead of comparing yourself to others, truly think about how you feel about yourself, think about what is making you feel comfortable in your own skin and things that make you happy. It is important to prioritize what makes you comfortable over things that are trendy or what your friends are doing. Not everything works for everyone and there is no way to know if other people‘s methods are succeeding in making them confident or what is going on in your own head. It’s also totally fine to talk to someone about if you’re feeling insecure. Most likely someone you know has gone through the feelings that you are experiencing right now and talking can only help. Whatever you’re going through is completely normal and in time will pass.
How Can I Talk To My Friends About Bras and Being Insecure?
Good friends are such a good resource, especially if you are going through a hard time. Although quality friends won’t care whether you’re wearing a bra and that won’t change how they look at you or value your friendship. You should feel comfortable talking to them about different insecurities you may be having and honestly, they might be having them too. As much as having friends is about laughing together and having fun. It can also be about having deep conversations and supporting each other when you’re maybe going through something a little tough. Going through the experience of your body changing and needing new products for the first time whether it be a new bra or anything else is an experience that friends can really help you get through. There is no normal age to be developing, and talking to your friends about this can help both of you get through a time that feels anything but normal and isolating. Remember that if someone makes you feel embarrassed about your body that is not a reflection of you and the truth behind what you should feel about your body. It says more about the person making the commentary and their own insecurities than anything about you. Everyone has a different timeline and that is what makes us all special.
One Last Thing Before You Go
It can be really hard when you feel like the peers your age are developing at a completely different time than you are and if you feel like you’re falling behind or if you’re flying ahead. The truth is there isn’t a correct timeline for growing up and everyone does develop differently, if people are developing at the same time I promise it is just a coincidence and it does not mean that you are developing wrong. I know it can be hard to believe sometimes but whatever you are experiencing is normal. Puberty is different for everyone, and those differences are a normal part of life and growing up which help shape who we will become. Although it is easy to compare yourself to the people around you, especially when you’re spending every single day together at school, comparison is really not what life is all about. The best choice for you isn't something that you think will help you fit in. It is something that makes you feel comfortable, supported and confident. I promise you years from now you will look back and wanna give your younger self a hug and tell yourself that it all ends up being more than okay. Focus on becoming yourself one step at a time and not trying to keep up with anybody else or slow down to reach anyone else’s pace.
XOXO BRABAR
STILL HAVE QUESTIONS?
FAQS
Yes, it is completely normal. Everyone’s body develops at a different pace, and there is no specific age when someone “should” start wearing a bra. Some girls start wearing bras earlier, while others start later. Neither means you are ahead or behind—you are simply growing on your own timeline.
Being the first person in your friend group to wear a bra can feel awkward, but there is nothing wrong with developing earlier than your friends. You do not owe anyone an explanation about your body or your choices. Your bra should be something that helps you feel comfortable and confident, not something you have to hide or feel embarrassed about.
Comparing yourself to others is something many people experience, especially during puberty. It can feel like everyone else is changing faster or slower than you, but you are only seeing one small part of their experience. Try focusing on what makes you feel comfortable and confident instead of measuring yourself against someone else’s timeline. Your body is not behind, ahead, or wrong—it is uniquely yours.
